Christmas 2010 was one of the most epic Christmases in history. The economy is getting itself pointed in the right direction, no one tried to blow up a plane with their underwear and the states all finally got their election results counted. I asked for a lot of nice gifts and got them all. I also gave a lot of gifts. I was happy to have given my wife an ebook reader.
My dear aunt was kind enough to give me a calendar. I was so excited that I could finally tell what day of the week it was. I was getting quite sick of the fact that I never showed up for a party on the right day. I’d knock on someone’s door on Sunday when the party was the night before. It is quite frustrating and, as a social butterfly, it hurts my butterfly status. I thumbed through the beautiful pictures of puppies playing in paint and noticed that the calendar ended on December 31, 2011. This made me scratch my head. I was under the impression that the Mayan Calendar ended on December 21, 2012. What was this December 31, 2011 all about?
I instantly took to the internet trying to find out what celestial bodies were aligning on December 31. I also tried to figure out what ancient civilization said this date would be the end of times. I briefly encountered a website that said the world would end in May but after ordering a free bumper sticker I continued my search. I was finding nothing. John Cusack hadn’t even made a bad movie about December 31, 2011. It was at that point that the ham was done and dinner was being served.
I’ve done a lot of research into the end times. I see no indication that celestial events and ancient calendars have ever been able to predict the end of the world. After a call to the publisher of the puppy calendar, I found out they print a new edition each year with each new year. I also found out that the Mayan Calendar didn’t have any more room on it for more days.
I do not know the motivation for the Mayan Calendar layout. I know that our solar system will align with the Milky Way and we’ll be looking right down the center and Venus will transverse the sun. Sounds like a good place to stop carving your calendar out of that stone to me. I think the world is more likely to blow itself up on its own based on terrestrial events rather than celestial events.
So sit back, take a deep breath and relax. Lets toast to the new year!
